authenticity.

(i apologize for the cramped formatting of this blog, blogspot.com wouldn't let me break it into paragraphs. sorry, guys.) something that i've always wanted to be is authentic. this is a word that is over-used and it even seems a little bit cliche' in certain circles, but i can appreciate it. it's a good word. i think you can start pretty easily by figuring out things you like or don't like, things that energize you or things that drain you, things that you're amazing at and things you suck at... you get it. i've been on my own small journey to figure i've been on my own personal journey to figure these things out. there's this reallyyyy famous dr seuss quote: "be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." ...it's clever, its cute & like a lot of his statements- it's simple but smart. so, personally, i'm defining authenticity as just being and saying what comes naturally to me. doing what energizes me- painting, reading, laughing, being with people who inspire me and encourage me. going with the flow. asking questions, serving people, figuring out what they need and trying to be there for them. this is who i am. i don't have to be a forced or fake version of myself, i don't have to be like anyone else. if i embrace people and situations honestly, then life won't be difficult. it will just fall into place. i think if i can really nail this, and also reject negativity (which the world has way too much of), then i'll be able to simplify my life a lot. i also think/hope/believe that a lot of great things are going to come into & out of my life. but we'll see. and, the part of the quote that says "those who mind don't matter" makes me think of some of the decisions i've made lately... no matter how critical people can be, my life is my own- and it would be silly to live it only to meet other people's expectations of me. be who you are, say what you feel. take in each moment, appreciate the small things. be grateful, be giving, be real. those who mind don't really matter.. and those who matter, will love you more for it.

i don't know.

i realize that it's been quite some time.
whatever. it doesn't really matter. i have had A LOT going on in my life.
maybe not so much in my life, as in my soul. i've had a lot going on in my soul.

ya know... blogging can be... somewhat intimidating. you are opening up yourself to people, you're willingly being vulnerable. and you're saying- this is me. it's private. but when you post the blog... it's not private anymore.

so, there are plenty of things i could tell you. i could talk to you as if we were the only people in the room. but i can't do that. because... we aren't. i could share with you all the small details of every part of my life that is difficult or challenging. i could tell you my dreams, i could tell you my fears. but i can't.

i can tell you this: the process of growing up is really painful. it's powerful, and passionate, but so painful. with my life, as an example- it seems that i can make plans- or at least, have an idea of where things are headed... and then suddenly, in the words of my sister, i am "ripped up by my roots".

if i am a plant, there has never been time for my roots to take to the soil. i have never been comfortable. i have been shifted, and i have sat under the weight of dirt, rain, and all sorts of storms.

but.

the important thing is.. i'm still growing. there is growth. there isn't a seed, there isn't a dying plant, there is something that is reaching up for the sunlight. something that is digging down deep, trying so hard to take root.

and this is what my life has been. from the day i was born. grow, God told me.

so i will.