seed and soil.

somehow or another, it's already/almost/soon-to-be autumn.

what is going on? why is the process of growing older basically a downward spiral of time slipping through your fingers like sand. why does life walk at a steady pace when you're a child but then as you age, it takes off running?

anyhow. autumn. fall. makes me think of thanksgiving. i love thanksgiving. absolutely my favorite time of year. the fact that suddenly our house is filled to the brim with family. so much laughter. enough hugs to last me until the next thanksgiving. the transition into december & christmastime.

every thanksgiving is something new. the idea of it and the traditions are always the same. we basically do the same exact thing every year. but each one of us has changed or grown in one way or another, so the vibe is different. but our chemistry as a family always works. we realize that we are all unique and we embrace that about one another. it makes us who we are.

i love my family. have you ever been in a room filled with twenty to twenty five people who all make you want to be a better person? it's an incredible feeling. "these people inspire me." you think to yourself. sometimes it's overwhelming. i live for the relationships God has formed in my life. i function best when i feel connected- deeply- with people. especially my family.

nothing will keep you motivated like reflecting on where you've come from. be it good or bad, you've grown out of something. you once were a seed. maybe your soil was beautiful. maybe everything came naturally for you, and you were blessed. or maybe your soil was a little more difficult. maybe growth has been a painful process for you.

i once was a seed. i think my soil was a mixture of good and bad things. for someone still pretty young, i've experienced a lot. loss, pain, fear, rejection... (as we all have, to some extent) but my family was mixed into my soil. my family and a VERY few close friends who have remained in my life, created a soil that God knew i could grow in. it hasn't been easy. and, like anything, i'll be growing a little every day until the day i die.

not everyone is as lucky as me to have the family i have. some people have had much more difficult soil to take root in. life isn't always simple, coated in sugar, with butterflies and fairies. but you can still draw energy from your soil.. things to keep you going. look how far you've come. look how much you've changed, for the better. look at all the things you've accomplished.

thanksgiving is coming, and i'm just thinking... no matter what you and i have been through, we have things to be thankful for this year. as time flies by. we each have our soil. we have what God's given us. we have what we need. we keep pushing up towards the sunshine. we keep growing.

slide.

i miss fall weather. can't wait for it to return.
all i have for you today are some pictures that i found that inspire me. love the colors/emotion/texture.

hope your week is lovely.

growing up.

so many changes going on in my life. emotional, inward, spiritual changes.

at the beginning of the year, i quit a job that could've become my career. i lost my passion for it, i realized my heart wasn't in it. i broke off an engagement and called off a wedding. which took a lot of courage because when you're a pastor's daughter- you have a lot of eyes watching your every move. it's scary to do something so drastic. it's shocking. you have a plan and then in a matter of days- you are back to the drawing board. no ideas. nothing mapped out.

i took some advice that one of my best friends had given me, and that was- simplify. and even though it contradicts the word, to make everything in your life simple can be very complicated. it's a process. it's a little tedious. when you set out to simplify your life you realize how much stuff you've jammed into every crack of it, and how it's just over flowing with complications.

when you decide to make things simple you start discovering that you have SO MUCH going on, it's overwhelming. you keep finding different things in your life that you've spent too many years worrying about, and you find things that you've missed because you put them on the back burner.

it takes weeks. months. to un-complicate and un-clutter your life. you find stuff and you say to yourself, "i hate this. why did i ever do this? i never even wanted this." so you throw it out. or you find something else and cry because you had forgetten how much your heart needed it.

i've decided that, for me, i was in this foggy-headed-sleepy state for the first twenty years of my life. and just in the past few years, i've started growing up. i love it. it's liberating. it's energizing. the discoveries to be made. the adventures to be had. the journey, the ride, the people, their voices and smiles, the places, the things you'll see and feel.

i love being alive. i love the fact that i'm living. and i'm really proud of myself.

"i'm bored." pt.2

in continuation of my hatred towards boredom, i decided to do a little digging (and some suggesting) to compile a list of things you can try/do/experience/attempt/discover if you ever have some "extra time" on your hands.

there's a lot of stuff. i had to tweak this list. because let's be real, i may have time to type all this.. but i'm not that bored.

1. write your own theme song
2. read someone's biography
3. go on a picnic
4. volunteer to babysit someone's kid (yes, for free)
5. call somebody you haven't talked to in a long time
6. start a blog (har-de-har)
7. take a free online class (i.e. learn something)
8. teach someone else something
9. get a haircut
10. make homemade cookies
11. google/read blogs on your favorite topic
12. set up a lemonade stand
13. make a sculpture
14. write a love letter
15. go find a pet rock... paint a face on it (can't go wrong)
16. take an IQ or personality test online
17. make a jello mold
18. write a short story
19. take some still-life pictures
20. donate clothes to goodwill
21. learn a magic card trick
22. plant a garden
23. go for a walk/jog/run
24. make a tinfoil hat
25. send some fan mail to your favorite celebrity
26. put on a ridiculous, crazy outfit and go out in public
27. draw on your sidewalk with chalk
28. make a 'free hugs' sign and go stand in the mall with it
29. construct your own baking soda volcano
30. learn how to stand on your head
31. cook an egg... every possible way
32. come up with a secret hand shake for you and your best friend
33. carve your name in a tree
34. print out a fake certificate of something for yourself
35. trim your own bangs (youtube videos make it simple)
36. use kool-aid to (temporarily) dye your hair a bright color
37. build a tall city out of popsicle sticks
38. sing. loud.
39. buy a fish
40. bring your grandmother some flowers
41. try to balance a pencil on your nose
42. learn to sew
43. try a new lipstick color
44. make a smoothie
45. roll down a hill
46. catch a lizard
47. write your will (morbid, but entertaining)
48. personal favorite- "try a sample of every ice cream at baskin' robbins but don't buy anything
49. make a tent to sleep in tonight
50. re-arrange all of the furniture in your room

well, get started.

"i'm bored."

i'm a little bugged by the word "bored".

first of all, it's a bit over-used, isn't it? haven't we kinda used it to the point that it's overkill?

are you really bored? is there NOTHING that you can be doing, or are you just choosing to do nothing... ? and if you're choosing to do nothing, and some part of you is enjoying it... then you aren't bored.

or, maybe you haven't taken the time to seek out something to do. maybe you're really bored, but it's because you're too lazy to do anything about it.

or maybe being bored is comfortable for you. when you actually get up to get going and get something accomplished, you hate it. because you like being bored. boredom is your comfort zone. boredom is what you've done for so long, that you wouldn't have it any other way.

chances are, if you've ever said "i'm bored" out loud... one of the above statements applies to you. (let me just say this- i'm not really aiming this blog to people who might say "i'm bored" once in a blue moon, or half-jokingly.. i'm really addressing people who have a major issue with using boredom as an excuse to waste their lives. people who blame boredom for their misery... more than three or four times in one week, for example.)

i also need to tell you that sometimes i can understand genuine boredom when someone expresses how bored they are to me. sometimes my heart goes out to people (especially living in a small town like i do) because there is a major lack of "things to do" around here. however... and honestly... if you are passionate enough about being alive and experiencing great things around you, then you can avoid the trap of boredom.

you don't have to be bored. no matter if you have very few friends, no matter if you live in a town with a population of 20 people, no matter if you don't have internet access, no matter what your former excuses for boredom might've been.

being bored is a black hole that some people trip and fall into. unfortunately, it can lead to people making big mistakes with their lives because they had "nothing else to do".. like forming addictions, building walls between themselves and others, or spending time with the wrong crowd of people.

or, it can lead them to literally wasting days/months/years in doing things that are void of purpose like watching tv, playing video games, etc... you get it. boredom rarely leads to anything good. and i believe we can be deeply, spiritually bored inside of ourselves which can lead to even worse consquences if we don't realize that there is so much more to life than what we see with our human eyes.

it's heartbreaking to me as i watch kids, teenagers, and adults who lack creativity, motivation, depth... they don't dream, they don't take risks... they don't believe in themselves. instead they try drugs, empty relationships, hours of television. instead they become angry, depressed, or closed off. instead they choose to believe the lies that boredom tells us all... might as well go with them (even though they're horrible influences), nobody else wants to hang out with you. might as well play another hour of halo, nothing else to do. might as well do nothing, just like you've done for the past four days, nobody cares anyway.

boredom is a real problem. it's sad that our nation has come to this point, where we no longer encourage each other to invent/create/inspire. it's sad that instead, we basically teach that boredom is a normal part of life. it's not. it doesn't have to be.

(to be continued.)

soapbox.

this generation coming up behind me kinda makes me nervous. teenagers seem to lack self respect, joy, ambition, and they crave a deep love that results in them searching for fulfillment in all of the wrong places. it breaks my heart. i feel helpless. i feel like david standing underneath goliath, except he was fearless.. and i'm just overwhelmed.

i know a handful of really remarkable young men and women. youth, under the age of 20, that really stand out. they give their best, they believe in honesty, they are trustworthy. i'm proud of them and i'm lucky to have them in my life. but it's sad that out of the hundreds of people i'm acquainted with, that only a handful of young people stick out.

it's easy to be average. bitterness, anger, drama, cat fights, foul language, flirting and acting foolish... they're just easy. they kinda come naturally to a lot of us. gossip is our second language. for some of us, it's our first. it's easy to fit in. just do what everyone else does. girls sell themselves short, they settle for any guy who knows how to sweet-talk. they crave attention so they say/dress/do whatever they can to get it.

there's a part of a hillsong chorus that says "break my heart for what breaks Yours" ...asking God to show us what hurts Him, and cause us to feel the same hurt. i think we, as a generation, break His heart every day. and for all of the ways we've gone wrong, and all of the things we can be doing better.. my heart breaks too.