growing up.

so many changes going on in my life. emotional, inward, spiritual changes.

at the beginning of the year, i quit a job that could've become my career. i lost my passion for it, i realized my heart wasn't in it. i broke off an engagement and called off a wedding. which took a lot of courage because when you're a pastor's daughter- you have a lot of eyes watching your every move. it's scary to do something so drastic. it's shocking. you have a plan and then in a matter of days- you are back to the drawing board. no ideas. nothing mapped out.

i took some advice that one of my best friends had given me, and that was- simplify. and even though it contradicts the word, to make everything in your life simple can be very complicated. it's a process. it's a little tedious. when you set out to simplify your life you realize how much stuff you've jammed into every crack of it, and how it's just over flowing with complications.

when you decide to make things simple you start discovering that you have SO MUCH going on, it's overwhelming. you keep finding different things in your life that you've spent too many years worrying about, and you find things that you've missed because you put them on the back burner.

it takes weeks. months. to un-complicate and un-clutter your life. you find stuff and you say to yourself, "i hate this. why did i ever do this? i never even wanted this." so you throw it out. or you find something else and cry because you had forgetten how much your heart needed it.

i've decided that, for me, i was in this foggy-headed-sleepy state for the first twenty years of my life. and just in the past few years, i've started growing up. i love it. it's liberating. it's energizing. the discoveries to be made. the adventures to be had. the journey, the ride, the people, their voices and smiles, the places, the things you'll see and feel.

i love being alive. i love the fact that i'm living. and i'm really proud of myself.