retrospect.

we have an old family portrait in our living room and today (i don't know why) i was examining it. in the picture, i'm guessing i was probably six or seven years old. i was a small, scrawny little thing with long, long, long brown hair and crooked bangs.. because i wouldn't sit still when my mom tried to trim them. i'm smiling i guess because the photographer instructed all of us to smile... and i'm clasping my mom's index finger with my little hand.

there is a very wide-eyed wonder on my face. my expression shows my innocence, and my desire to take everything in all at once. i was an adventurer. i was a dreamer. i was a pint sized actress; telling my dramatic stories, writing in my diary every day, making up things in my imagination. i wanted to be in everything at once and do everything that could be done. i'm pretty sure at that age, we all feel immortal.

i (big) was looking at me (small) and a part of me felt overwhelmed. if i could talk to myself as a child, i wonder what i would say? to meet little katie, if she would even listen to me, i wonder what i would tell her.

i certainly do not wish to rewind. i would never want to erase anything, no matter good or bad, from my past. i would tell her... this is going to be tough. there will be many, many happy moments. but then it will be tough. it's going to be quite a ride. there will be a lot of days that you don't know what to do. you're gonna be scared. you're going to cry a lot. but above all of that, you'll also be really happy. and you'll make it.

you'll turn out just fine.