holy fear.

how many times in the past few months have i sat alone in my room and told God, "i dont understand."

it isn't supposed to be confusing. i've decided this: i am not supposed to understand. i am a very, very, very little person on a very big planet. to God i'm probably just like the speck on 'horton hears a who'. i am not supposed to understand or question or be confused. i can take comfort in this... i am not alone. i'm safe. and whatever happens, is all part of a plan.

you can trust Jesus because you will never understand Him. it is the pursuit of Someone much greater than you can ever imagine that produces holy fear; reverence and awe of a Being that swallows everything in His path.

you can find peace and rest in the fact that this overwhelmingly huge God keeps His gaze trained on you. every single minute, of every hour, of every day. you can find relief from worry and stress because He is in control and you aren't, and you don't have to be, and you never will be.

so, feeling as if you are blind folded and groping for the light switch is all part of the joy of life. it is a free fall into completely trusting the grace of Abba. “i don’t know what i'm doing, but You do.” so you take every day believing that it will work out, you’ll be o.k. someone’s got an eye on you.

“i don’t know who i am, but You do.” the One who designed the shape of your face, the contours of your smile, the small cracking wrinkles around your eyes… He knows what His intention is for you. all you really have to do is get out of bed every morning and try your hardest to fully love and fear Him.

this is incredible. what a gift, to be so small! what a pleasure, to feel so tiny and so safe.

fear of the Lord leads to life. - Proverbs 19:23