slide.

i miss fall weather. can't wait for it to return.
all i have for you today are some pictures that i found that inspire me. love the colors/emotion/texture.

hope your week is lovely.

growing up.

so many changes going on in my life. emotional, inward, spiritual changes.

at the beginning of the year, i quit a job that could've become my career. i lost my passion for it, i realized my heart wasn't in it. i broke off an engagement and called off a wedding. which took a lot of courage because when you're a pastor's daughter- you have a lot of eyes watching your every move. it's scary to do something so drastic. it's shocking. you have a plan and then in a matter of days- you are back to the drawing board. no ideas. nothing mapped out.

i took some advice that one of my best friends had given me, and that was- simplify. and even though it contradicts the word, to make everything in your life simple can be very complicated. it's a process. it's a little tedious. when you set out to simplify your life you realize how much stuff you've jammed into every crack of it, and how it's just over flowing with complications.

when you decide to make things simple you start discovering that you have SO MUCH going on, it's overwhelming. you keep finding different things in your life that you've spent too many years worrying about, and you find things that you've missed because you put them on the back burner.

it takes weeks. months. to un-complicate and un-clutter your life. you find stuff and you say to yourself, "i hate this. why did i ever do this? i never even wanted this." so you throw it out. or you find something else and cry because you had forgetten how much your heart needed it.

i've decided that, for me, i was in this foggy-headed-sleepy state for the first twenty years of my life. and just in the past few years, i've started growing up. i love it. it's liberating. it's energizing. the discoveries to be made. the adventures to be had. the journey, the ride, the people, their voices and smiles, the places, the things you'll see and feel.

i love being alive. i love the fact that i'm living. and i'm really proud of myself.

"i'm bored." pt.2

in continuation of my hatred towards boredom, i decided to do a little digging (and some suggesting) to compile a list of things you can try/do/experience/attempt/discover if you ever have some "extra time" on your hands.

there's a lot of stuff. i had to tweak this list. because let's be real, i may have time to type all this.. but i'm not that bored.

1. write your own theme song
2. read someone's biography
3. go on a picnic
4. volunteer to babysit someone's kid (yes, for free)
5. call somebody you haven't talked to in a long time
6. start a blog (har-de-har)
7. take a free online class (i.e. learn something)
8. teach someone else something
9. get a haircut
10. make homemade cookies
11. google/read blogs on your favorite topic
12. set up a lemonade stand
13. make a sculpture
14. write a love letter
15. go find a pet rock... paint a face on it (can't go wrong)
16. take an IQ or personality test online
17. make a jello mold
18. write a short story
19. take some still-life pictures
20. donate clothes to goodwill
21. learn a magic card trick
22. plant a garden
23. go for a walk/jog/run
24. make a tinfoil hat
25. send some fan mail to your favorite celebrity
26. put on a ridiculous, crazy outfit and go out in public
27. draw on your sidewalk with chalk
28. make a 'free hugs' sign and go stand in the mall with it
29. construct your own baking soda volcano
30. learn how to stand on your head
31. cook an egg... every possible way
32. come up with a secret hand shake for you and your best friend
33. carve your name in a tree
34. print out a fake certificate of something for yourself
35. trim your own bangs (youtube videos make it simple)
36. use kool-aid to (temporarily) dye your hair a bright color
37. build a tall city out of popsicle sticks
38. sing. loud.
39. buy a fish
40. bring your grandmother some flowers
41. try to balance a pencil on your nose
42. learn to sew
43. try a new lipstick color
44. make a smoothie
45. roll down a hill
46. catch a lizard
47. write your will (morbid, but entertaining)
48. personal favorite- "try a sample of every ice cream at baskin' robbins but don't buy anything
49. make a tent to sleep in tonight
50. re-arrange all of the furniture in your room

well, get started.

"i'm bored."

i'm a little bugged by the word "bored".

first of all, it's a bit over-used, isn't it? haven't we kinda used it to the point that it's overkill?

are you really bored? is there NOTHING that you can be doing, or are you just choosing to do nothing... ? and if you're choosing to do nothing, and some part of you is enjoying it... then you aren't bored.

or, maybe you haven't taken the time to seek out something to do. maybe you're really bored, but it's because you're too lazy to do anything about it.

or maybe being bored is comfortable for you. when you actually get up to get going and get something accomplished, you hate it. because you like being bored. boredom is your comfort zone. boredom is what you've done for so long, that you wouldn't have it any other way.

chances are, if you've ever said "i'm bored" out loud... one of the above statements applies to you. (let me just say this- i'm not really aiming this blog to people who might say "i'm bored" once in a blue moon, or half-jokingly.. i'm really addressing people who have a major issue with using boredom as an excuse to waste their lives. people who blame boredom for their misery... more than three or four times in one week, for example.)

i also need to tell you that sometimes i can understand genuine boredom when someone expresses how bored they are to me. sometimes my heart goes out to people (especially living in a small town like i do) because there is a major lack of "things to do" around here. however... and honestly... if you are passionate enough about being alive and experiencing great things around you, then you can avoid the trap of boredom.

you don't have to be bored. no matter if you have very few friends, no matter if you live in a town with a population of 20 people, no matter if you don't have internet access, no matter what your former excuses for boredom might've been.

being bored is a black hole that some people trip and fall into. unfortunately, it can lead to people making big mistakes with their lives because they had "nothing else to do".. like forming addictions, building walls between themselves and others, or spending time with the wrong crowd of people.

or, it can lead them to literally wasting days/months/years in doing things that are void of purpose like watching tv, playing video games, etc... you get it. boredom rarely leads to anything good. and i believe we can be deeply, spiritually bored inside of ourselves which can lead to even worse consquences if we don't realize that there is so much more to life than what we see with our human eyes.

it's heartbreaking to me as i watch kids, teenagers, and adults who lack creativity, motivation, depth... they don't dream, they don't take risks... they don't believe in themselves. instead they try drugs, empty relationships, hours of television. instead they become angry, depressed, or closed off. instead they choose to believe the lies that boredom tells us all... might as well go with them (even though they're horrible influences), nobody else wants to hang out with you. might as well play another hour of halo, nothing else to do. might as well do nothing, just like you've done for the past four days, nobody cares anyway.

boredom is a real problem. it's sad that our nation has come to this point, where we no longer encourage each other to invent/create/inspire. it's sad that instead, we basically teach that boredom is a normal part of life. it's not. it doesn't have to be.

(to be continued.)

soapbox.

this generation coming up behind me kinda makes me nervous. teenagers seem to lack self respect, joy, ambition, and they crave a deep love that results in them searching for fulfillment in all of the wrong places. it breaks my heart. i feel helpless. i feel like david standing underneath goliath, except he was fearless.. and i'm just overwhelmed.

i know a handful of really remarkable young men and women. youth, under the age of 20, that really stand out. they give their best, they believe in honesty, they are trustworthy. i'm proud of them and i'm lucky to have them in my life. but it's sad that out of the hundreds of people i'm acquainted with, that only a handful of young people stick out.

it's easy to be average. bitterness, anger, drama, cat fights, foul language, flirting and acting foolish... they're just easy. they kinda come naturally to a lot of us. gossip is our second language. for some of us, it's our first. it's easy to fit in. just do what everyone else does. girls sell themselves short, they settle for any guy who knows how to sweet-talk. they crave attention so they say/dress/do whatever they can to get it.

there's a part of a hillsong chorus that says "break my heart for what breaks Yours" ...asking God to show us what hurts Him, and cause us to feel the same hurt. i think we, as a generation, break His heart every day. and for all of the ways we've gone wrong, and all of the things we can be doing better.. my heart breaks too.

a little respect.

i think this blog has been a long time coming.
i guess, oh.. over the past couple years or so, i've noticed how much this generation seems to be changing. and, kinda like this year, it's happening so fast. people- us- we- are changing so quickly. it's been hard to put into words, but today it all came to the surface and i have a few things to say about it.

it's sunday, so of course we went to church. i don't skip church. my parents raised me and my sisters to believe that unless you are in a hospital bed about to die, you go to church. my father, who is a pastor, also set a certain "standard" for us growing up- that you bring God your best. he calls it excellence- whatever you might say for it- in a nutshell, it means respecting Jesus.

this morning i went to church with my older sister. her and her husband are members of a church with a pretty young crowd. we sat in front of a row of teenagers. for the most part, teenagers can be a little unpredictable. but i expected them to be at least on semi-good behavior considering we were at church. however... i was wrong.

now, i'm not 87 years old. and i don't think that just because you're in God's house you need to be boring and lifeless. i can get past the occasional whispering to each other, and it doesn't even bother me when people pass notes. however- today- something took the cake. one of the young girls behind me (who was probably 14 or 15) decided she was going to take off her shoes and prop her bare feet up in the chair next to me during the sermon.

of course... you can imagine the millions of things i wanted to say to her. she was sitting between two teenage boys. and i don't know if she thought it would impress them to do this, or if she was just trying to get a laugh... ugh. i don't even know her, and she disappointed me.

this blog is about that girl. it's really about any girl like her. and it's about us. you and me. it's about mothers that haven't raised their daughters right. it's about youth pastors that don't teach kids how to act in church. it's about adults in church not leading by example. (!) it's about everyone, collectively, thinking that because God love us in spite of our sin, that He is perfectly o.k. with us presenting our second best to Him.

for the record:

1. no matter how a building is decorated or designed, no matter how impressive the lights/sounds/effects are, no matter how many people show up - if it's a place designated to worship God, then it should be considered pretty special. way back in the Old Testament, the word used would be "holy" which means set apart. so church isn't like your living room. church isn't your back yard.

you don't throw trash on the floor, you don't stick gum under the seat, you don't show up looking like you just rolled out of bed, and you don't prop your feet up and sit back like you're about to watch a re-run of 'sweet home alabama' on tbs.

2. i vividly remember that up until you are about 22 or 23, you are on a day-by-day journey figuring out who you are as a person. so i know that being a teenager can be tough, because one of the things that you really want SO badly is just to feel accepted and loved. you want your friends to like having you around.

but something that you will always need, and something that will make people genuinely like you, is respecting yourself. the word respect is so powerful. it is an honor to have someone respect you for who you are. to be true to yourself. no one... no one... is ever going to respect you until you respect yourself.

so ask yourself, what am i projecting to others around me on a daily basis? if i don't care what i say, or how i phrase things. if i don't care how i dress. if i don't care that someone finds it distracting if i put my feet up during church. if i don't care enough to pay attention to what God is doing. if i don't care enough to give him 2 hours of my entire week on sunday. do i come across as someone who has self respect?

3. the grace message is a beautiful message. the story of God's mercy will never get old. the verses on how often Jesus was moved by compassion for others are endless. we should never forget how much He loves us. He made each one of us completely unique from each other. He took the time to design us in all of our billions of different ways. He is loving, He is kind, He is generous and gentle.

but we know this about Him. and we take advantage of it. who do we think we are? taking advantage of the one true God. the only one, who, in spite of all of our screw-ups... is passionately in love with us.

we give Him our leftovers.. we are tired from a long week of work, so we doze off during a 45 minute church service. we just got dressed up last night for a date, so we're just going to wear torn-up jeans to church so we can be comfortable. we lost our voice screaming for our favorite team at the football game this weekend, so we don't feel like singing during the worship service. we have too much to do at home, so we can't bring the kids to church. or, we just drop them off. but we've never been to church with them so they don't know how to act.

i'll stop with my rant. you get the point.
2 timothy 2:15, romans 12:1-2, matthew 22:37, malachi 1:8

summer sweet.

i really enjoy being a girl.

hard-pressed to find inspiration lately.

cut more of my hair off, finally painted my bedroom with the most calming color ever, finally spent time in the sunshine. really starving to move into a new chapter, with some changes and fresh faces in my life.

learned some things, still haven't learned enough.

this blog is boring.

but.. hopefully.. one day, i'll write a book.. on something-or-other, and you'll see it in a window of a barnes & noble. and you'll stop and say, "hey, that's the girl who writes that boring blog."