authenticity.

(i apologize for the cramped formatting of this blog, blogspot.com wouldn't let me break it into paragraphs. sorry, guys.) something that i've always wanted to be is authentic. this is a word that is over-used and it even seems a little bit cliche' in certain circles, but i can appreciate it. it's a good word. i think you can start pretty easily by figuring out things you like or don't like, things that energize you or things that drain you, things that you're amazing at and things you suck at... you get it. i've been on my own small journey to figure i've been on my own personal journey to figure these things out. there's this reallyyyy famous dr seuss quote: "be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." ...it's clever, its cute & like a lot of his statements- it's simple but smart. so, personally, i'm defining authenticity as just being and saying what comes naturally to me. doing what energizes me- painting, reading, laughing, being with people who inspire me and encourage me. going with the flow. asking questions, serving people, figuring out what they need and trying to be there for them. this is who i am. i don't have to be a forced or fake version of myself, i don't have to be like anyone else. if i embrace people and situations honestly, then life won't be difficult. it will just fall into place. i think if i can really nail this, and also reject negativity (which the world has way too much of), then i'll be able to simplify my life a lot. i also think/hope/believe that a lot of great things are going to come into & out of my life. but we'll see. and, the part of the quote that says "those who mind don't matter" makes me think of some of the decisions i've made lately... no matter how critical people can be, my life is my own- and it would be silly to live it only to meet other people's expectations of me. be who you are, say what you feel. take in each moment, appreciate the small things. be grateful, be giving, be real. those who mind don't really matter.. and those who matter, will love you more for it.

i don't know.

i realize that it's been quite some time.
whatever. it doesn't really matter. i have had A LOT going on in my life.
maybe not so much in my life, as in my soul. i've had a lot going on in my soul.

ya know... blogging can be... somewhat intimidating. you are opening up yourself to people, you're willingly being vulnerable. and you're saying- this is me. it's private. but when you post the blog... it's not private anymore.

so, there are plenty of things i could tell you. i could talk to you as if we were the only people in the room. but i can't do that. because... we aren't. i could share with you all the small details of every part of my life that is difficult or challenging. i could tell you my dreams, i could tell you my fears. but i can't.

i can tell you this: the process of growing up is really painful. it's powerful, and passionate, but so painful. with my life, as an example- it seems that i can make plans- or at least, have an idea of where things are headed... and then suddenly, in the words of my sister, i am "ripped up by my roots".

if i am a plant, there has never been time for my roots to take to the soil. i have never been comfortable. i have been shifted, and i have sat under the weight of dirt, rain, and all sorts of storms.

but.

the important thing is.. i'm still growing. there is growth. there isn't a seed, there isn't a dying plant, there is something that is reaching up for the sunlight. something that is digging down deep, trying so hard to take root.

and this is what my life has been. from the day i was born. grow, God told me.

so i will.

must have.

be still my heart...

i need this. i don't know what my obsession with dresses is lately.

i suddenly want a closet full of them.
and, well, as for this picture... i know you want it too. bcbg.com. you're welcome.

lies we tell.

it has been within the past week that i have discovered the most comfortable outfit that i own. some white, slouchy sweatpants… a loose, green zip-up sweatshirt, and a stretchy cotton headband to hold my hair back away from my face. this is now the only thing i will ever be wearing when i’m at home. it’s my favorite.

today i was thinking about the subject of people being fake. my cousin and i were in the mall, and we bumped into some 16 year old kid that was obviously trying to be super cool for her. he seemed a little awkward, like he was a closet computer geek. and he seemed totally out of his element in a mall, as if even the act of leaving his house was a big deal, ya know what i mean?

anyway, he was trying too hard. and i stood there wondering to myself… why do we try to be “cool”? and, i wonder, at what point do we teach our kids to try to impress other people? why didn’t this kid’s mom tell him to just be himself? why aren’t we teaching the next generation that to be true to your own personality and your own likes & dislikes, is really what makes you unique- and you being you, is the coolest you there is.

which brought me into thinking about just how fake people really are. we were all born and raised into a society that really supports you in being fake. it says, “yes, please be someone else.” it tells us, “be skinnier.” or, “don’t leave your house without makeup.”

….i’m not bashing the use of cosmetics. i think you should look your best, put your best foot forward.

but who are we trying to impress? we are attempting to fool everyone. it’s sad. and here we are, in a world filled with people who are lonely, depressed, and insecure- all because someone never told them that it was okay to be themselves.

if you ever do anything that is simply not true to who you are, if you ever just jump on the band wagon of popularity just to try and fit in (which i think we’re all guilty of), if you ever give in to peer pressure, or make decisions based on someone else’s idea of ‘how-it-should-be’… then, you’ve robbed yourself of one of your own life’s greatest pleasures- being you.

favorite song.

or, at least, one of them. 'wild horses' by ray lamontagne.

looking ahead.

i have an idea for march's blogs. i am going to interview some interesting people, and i hope it turns out fun. i've already begun making a list of people i would like to interview.. some of them i would like to be complete strangers, i think that might be fun. there's something for both of us to look forward to!

meanwhile, it's been quite some time since i've given you a few of my opinions, which is the entire purpose of this blog! so. the wait is over, and i'm prepared to redeem myself for the time we've lost together, my little dears.

1. the grammys. did anyone watch this besides me and my sister, bethany? (http://www.7daysofsomethingnew.blogspot.com/ ...spontaneous plug, yay!) i don't know which made this show better: lady gaga showing up in what my sis called "the ark of the covenant", or ricky martin wearing silver jeggings and black army boots. honestly, the only thing i liked about the entire program was seeing it end.
2. 'sanctum' . quick movie review. don't get attached to any of the characters, because all of the normal/likeable ones are going to die. what's going to happen is, it's gonna start out with lots of cool nature shots- and that's going to distract you from just how bad the acting is- but then, unfortunately, it will take a turn for the worst- get very cheesy- and a little gross- and finally come to a slow death with only the most annoying character surviving with nothing but an empty oxygen tank and a glowing-shark-tooth-necklace. ...seriously.

3. blogs. my name is katie, and i am a blog-aholic. i have a problem. ...don't judge me. you would be too. i can teach you my ways! for wedding things, i adore loveandlavender.com. for fashion things, gofugyourself.com (fug = fugly), and i like the idea of these blogs- project30days.com, healthy-delicious.com, donmilleris.com. i could go on, i won't bore you.

4. the iphone/ipod/ipad/i-anything. it has been brought to my attention that i need one of these (or all of these) but i'm really torn. for one, i don't understand the purpose of the i-pad, completely. am i missing something? it's a giant i-phone that you can't make phone calls with. so it's a laptop that looks like a giant i-phone, correct? i don't think i need this. i want this, but i don't think i need this. i will never have this unless it's given to me as a gift. the end.

5. vacuuming. the art of vacuuming. if i could be a teacher and teach anything, i would like to teach this class. okay... maybe... not really, because i'm not SUPER great at vacuuming. but, just to keep it real with you- if you vacuum any room in your house, it instantly looks 34% cleaner.

that's all for now.. (: goodnight, loves.

*sigh*